jigsaw pieces

and maybe truth is overrated

2011-09-10T09:54:00.000-07:00

I have never been able to embrace theatricality, nor have I wished for bohemian imagery. I'm only satisfied with the purest, the rawest of emotions. That is what I choose to build my better self upon.

2011-05-05T13:39:00.000-07:00

I dreamt of an unnoticeable cell that managed to creep into your heart, and slowly multiplied till there was no room for anything else. You denied any sign of obviousness, but insecurity always leaves a trace, a path to be followed by the ones who know how to make use of it appropriately.

And I, I wonder if those custom made shoes you gave me ever fitted at all, or did the expectations, fear and disappointment magnify them, made them grow bigger and heavier by the second. And now it's a weight I cannot bear. I'd scream my lungs out, I would, but I'm not sure you'd hear a thing inside that pretty music box of yours. And I'm not sure what would be its use anyway.

When we fear secrets where everything's meant to be known, what is this energy that keeps two souls close?

insight

2011-04-29T01:28:00.000-07:00

"You are young yet‥but the time will arrive when you will learn to judge for yourself.

‥Believe nothing you hear, and only one half that you see."
(1845 E. A. Poe in Graham's Mag. Nov. 194)

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"My principal feeling, about this time, was an unsatiable longing for something that I cannot describe or denominate properly, unless I say it was for utter oblivion that I longed. I desired to sleep; but it was for a deeper and longer sleep that in which the senses were nightly stepped. I longed to be at rest and quiet, and close my eyes on the past and future alike, as far as this frail life was concerned."

(James Hogg - Confessions of a Justified Sinner)

commun.icate

2011-04-22T12:23:00.000-07:00

I do have the tendency to keep going beyond any reasonable limit, in a somewhat desperate trial of fixing what still can be fixed. I've always been afraid of the "too late", and of those tiny little monsters you thought you got over just to wake up in the middle of one random night and spend the rest of it wondering how they got so big.

Only a fortnight's time and I've already made so many mistakes, someone else's words flowing through my mouth. I'm just craving to get things back to the way they were before I screwed up.

Too late, too much, too soon. Seriously, timing really means a lot when you're living under pressure.

2010-08-22T06:30:00.000-07:00

float, drift, sink

2010-07-10T03:46:00.000-07:00

Did all the big places seem big just because of their emptiness? Somewhere in between those two stories, I discovered a new self. It's not just the transition, the change that made the game exhilarating, but the surprising conclusions and breaking the rules. Just to feel the blood rushing again.

Come to think of everything I gave away, not about to get anything in return, I must've somehow ran out of generosity. Then, all of a sudden, some sort of karmic revenge: self sufficiency.

blanket for my bones

2010-07-02T03:54:00.000-07:00

to think or not to think?

"Eu nu-mi am inimă în cap, nici creieri n-am în inimă."
...trebuie să fi ratat lecția asta de anatomie.

analyse, analyse, analyse all over again.

I'm a riddle in nine syllables

2010-06-27T09:09:00.000-07:00

I got lost in the vacuum, the emptiness growing by the second. I fed it as if it were my own child, nurtured it by the laws of self-sufficiency, which would soon become a necessity. I only need sounds and words to comfort my struggling conscience, I only need warmth and gentle bites to keep my flesh alive.

Like a newborn, I felt the burning desire of creating my very own language, my own moral scale. I wanted to build myself inside autistic walls, as the were the only barrier preventing me from eventually stumbling upon you. I needed to draw the limits around my world and separate it from yours. And those sounds, encouraging my combustion, as if a funeral march was the perfect opportunity to show off new dance steps.

Assonance, vertigo, blood sucking egos. Is it impossible to find a way out of this labyrinth?